This is an essay by Ashley Kabajani.
The Question That Helped Me
Being the last born in a huge family of seven (six girls and one boy), it is not easy when your older siblings all have found their purpose, gifts and talents. See, I come from a family of strong, established go-getters, and I always seemed like I was trying to follow in someone’s footsteps but never finding my own path.
It all began when a friend of mine, who admires my siblings, gave me a call to ask me the strangest, yet most life-defining call. She asked me how I felt about being the last born when all my sisters and brothers are very successful in their own right. My mind started racing, and I gave her a long essay-type answer about advantages and disadvantages. It seemed simple but for some strange reason, it had me pondering and meditating for days on end.
The Little Girl Who Craved Information
I grew up in a small mining and farming town called Kadoma in Zimbabwe. My mother tongue being Shona, I was not articulate in English until I was in school. My siblings made fun of me all the time whenever I pronounced something wrong.
From the age of 8, I discovered a secret world where I could escape that boring little place, and it was reading. My father made all of us join the local library, which was not free by the way, but he was amazed at my massive appetite for information. I remember my friends were choosing books with pictures and big letters, but I wasn’t interested. I discovered Roald Dahl and never looked back. I read all the Nancy Drew series, the Goosebumps series, the Sweet Valley High series. I read anything and everything I could get my hands on, even encyclopaedias, student companions and even newspapers. You name it, I read it.
From Reading To Writing
Before long, my written and spoken English improved, I was excelling in my studies and was always in the school quiz team, which included general knowledge, spelling and other topics. In high school, I was a bit lost. All the comparisons started from teachers who had taught my siblings or those who became teachers and were in school with them.
Life dragged on. I never really knew what I wanted to do. My sisters wanted me to become a doctor, my parents joined the bandwagon. I was lost. Everyone was busy with their lives and force-shaping mine. I continued to drift through life’s challenges and had journals for almost every defining moment and reading to escape my reality.
When my father lost the battle to anaemia, I was 15 years old. Crying didn’t help. I decided to write a letter to God, and I just poured it out on paper. I didn’t think as I wrote. I wrote about how I felt and asked God why this happened. Even though there was no answer, I felt at peace.
Decoding The World With Words
This trend continued, even when my mother passed away too. I just wrote it out and cried through the pain. From my first heartache, to my major heartbreak, to my prayer requests and even dreams, hopes and goals. I wrote more than I read as I began to experience the pain, pleasure, disappointments, accomplishments, joys, sorrows and just every other ideology I had that was shattered by life. I was living this life and things were happening, and all those defining moments were shaping and forming my character and writing skills.
I continued reading up on everything and everyone. I made sure I was a member of the library everywhere I went. I was not only escaping but learning. Soon the internet made reading more interesting. All this wealth of knowledge out there, and I could easily access it. I would read the news, read about medicine, new developments, read and see the world from my own home.
In the midst of all this searching and learning, someone asked me to start blogging after picking up one of my very full journals, full of pictures, notes, prayers and letters. I still haven’t come around to do it, though I write every day. Not too sure to who but I just write. In all this scribbling and reading, I seemed uncertain about one thing – my talent. Who am I? What am I doing here? Am I just a wife, mother, sister and friend?
I got married at 25, had a baby at 26. He is now a gorgeous 1 year old little man. Though I lived most of my young life (all of 17 years) in Zimbabwe, I followed my sisters who had previously relocated to South Africa. I met my Namibian husband while studying in Capetown.
I moved to Namibia after we got married and hadn’t been able to find a decent job, so we lived on one income for so long. I think I sent a hundred job applications every week, but to no avail as more than half of the Namibian population’s unemployed.
Out of frustration and pure drive of finding my calling, passion and talent, I asked myself, “What is it that I can do with my hands that I can contribute to the world?”
Then I remembered how my research topics and assignments in university easily got distinctions. The answer was simple. I can write, but how do you make writing something resourceful?
An idea came to my mind and I started my administrative services business recently, and I offered my services to various businesses and individuals. Before I knew it people were asking me to help them write company reports, including CEO statements, speeches and other administrative jargon.
Words Are Powerful
At this point, something in me clicked. That’s my talent and my passion, and I had been doing it gladly without getting anything out of it. But now, I actually get incentives. But even if they were removed, I’d still be writing anyway. This is it! Looking back, I see where it stemmed from. It started with reading books as that curious, information-craving young girl to that lost young lady who used words as a way of decoding and escaping from her world.
If there is any advice I would offer anyone, it’s to find joy in reading in this technological generation. Even the gadgets should be channels to use to read, search for knowledge and connect with the world using words. Words shaped who I am today. And at the age of 27, I may be a late bloomer, but I certainly have blossomed and no longer will you find me questioning who I am.
Both reading and writing have proved to be more than just words. They provide therapy, entertainment, knowledge, information and can even paint a picture without using drawings or photographs.
Ashley Kabajani is a wife, mother, sister and businesswoman from Namibia. When she’s not writing about business, she enjoys writing about topics that drive and inspire her and encourage others.